We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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