i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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