Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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