who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Farmville is her only friend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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