I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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