My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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