am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
not ubering you a puppy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
