Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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