that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
