Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
