Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even my vagina gasped.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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