is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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