I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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