please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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