Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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