his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
