Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize