I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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