So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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