Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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