youre lurking in front of me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
