yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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