he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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