I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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