Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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