omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
