I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm bleeding and have questions
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
