Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I faked an abortion last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to calm my uterus...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize