He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
