Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
