K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
