I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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