My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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