I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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