babies were throwing up all over the place
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
