paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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