What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize