Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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