Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize