at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
