Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize