Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
