Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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