She is in my trunk
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize