Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
