so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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