I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just pynch a tree in the face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize