I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
