I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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