i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
