You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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