he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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