So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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