Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
