She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
