Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
