I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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