this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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