so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
