Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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