I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
