i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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