So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
