life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
