Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
