the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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