either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
