I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
