no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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