At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
