I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
