My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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