Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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